1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3. Birthdays, Valentine's Day and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, again!
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different. It's just like every other cat.
7. Dogs are better than cats. Period.
8. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad probably is too.
9. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
10. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult then peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
11. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
12. A headache that lasts seven months is a problem. See a doctor.
13. Your mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
14. If neither in your best interest nor ours to take 'the quiz' from Cosmopolitan together.
15. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 24 hours.
16. If something we say can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
17. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
18. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. But asking us to do both is only going to cause trouble.
19. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
20. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed make you look jealous and pett and it's not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
21. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
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